Make choice.....

That thing has been sitting around the office for years now. Conspicuous in bright yellow. Very first thing in many of our colleagues' day at every office. The tea/coffee maker. As I passed it towards the water dispensers, a moment that has no significance in a single day in office whatsoever, I noticed the quite obvious prompt on the matrix display of the electromechanical contraption designed to satiate various needs of the tongue at the press of humble buttons:

"Make Choice.....".

It said.

But today the Goddess of Black Pearls had decided to drop another Black Pearl in my outstretched palm. The palm that was, to my luck, incidentally, open to receive it just at the right moment and receptive to the incoming wisdom.

It is  always by a unique coincidence that we are blessed with certain sparks of wisdom in a flash. These godly moments make a lasting impact on us like a lightening strike that leaves the character of a meadow altered forever with its erratic imprint where the lightening had struck.

It is only by a divine intervention to have that moment destined for us just when our minds open up a bit to fathom that higher wisdom that is about to be conveyed via this cosmic event. To a person like me, during a routine day, preoccupied with myriad of technical problems and errands to prioritize and resolve, such moments are no less than a conspiracy of higher powers.

So, that seemingly obvious prompt caught my gaze and in less than a second, in a flash, it was all understood and clear. The yellow contraption, for that quantum of time, had acted like a sage in meditation. One akin to those who have a lot going within but very little to express without. One that encapsulates a mile of wisdom through a string of cleverly chosen words. Or through a sly gesture. Or just a nod.

It told me to make a choice. We are always making those aren't we? But we are just making choices without ever comprehending the consequences thereof. Every now and then, big and small choices are made and every now and then we are going through the consequences that have cascaded from the choices we made earlier. Something we note when someone laments "Life is like that only!".

We make choices when we choose a career, a spouse, an employer, the company we keep, habits we develop and the subconscious choices such as our reaction to an unpleasant event, our attitude towards success or failure, our outlook towards life, our state of happiness, our work ethic.

The choices we make or even the ones we do not make, make us. And it is not the choices we make, it is also the moment when we make them. A smart choice made at the wrong moment is as good as a choice that was never made at all. Or even worse!

We are free to make a choice about our errands, our next steps towards our goals. Along with the choice that we make, also matters is to choose the right moment to make that choice.

For a small kid who wants to pick a fruit from a tree with dad's help, a timing is to choose when to clasp those hands to grab the fruit while the father throws him/her up into the air. This choice gone wrong has little implication. The fruit will be or it will not be there to be savored. There is always another chance for the kid to make a demand.

But for more serious dwellers shouldering more than kids' whims and fancies, choices have a more profound effect. A misplaced choice may cause suffering to the self, loved ones, entire society or, if we exaggerate a bit, a larger part of the world. Remember the wars?! Although a lone blogger like me is, at best, certainly unlikely to make choices that have such a theatrical effect, still correct choices are critical ingredient to keep a person's life in sync with his/her desires and provide a (false?) sense of control.

So considering the implications of its timing and consequence thereof, considering among all the ones that are waiting to be made, that one of all those that you must, MAKE CHOICE.....

Calling God to the witness box - III

Disclaimer: The comments and views expressed here are the author's own and not aimed at hurting anyone's beliefs and feelings. If you are offended, author seeks apology and wishes to inform that these are author's personal thoughts and he is free to so express. Content here is not endorsed/sponsored by any institution or group.

To re-connect to the subject of this series of posts, please have a look at the previous two posts on the subject at:

• Calling God to the witness box - I
• Calling God to the witness box - II

Also recommended are some very thoughtful reader comments on the first post listed above.

We grow, physically and mentally. As we live on, our perceptions of people, beliefs, society, life and ourselves also evolve based on what we have been through and observed around us. This concept of evolving thought captivates me to lead me to believe that as if 'some one' is always working on us into making us what we are. A reflection of this can be seen here as well and has been mentioned here and there in this blog as well time and again. Be it how airplanes fly, or be it how luck and prayer works our perception of everything goes through this evolutionary process!

Switching to the context of this post after that prelude and citing from conclusion of Calling God to the witness box - II

"Since childhood onwards, like everyone else, my understanding of God has been changing based on my own experiences and observations. I hope someone will relate to those when I discuss the same later..."

As long as I remember, it was never my aim to follow my religion to-the-letter. Although it was an expectation from me that was stated with a certain subtlety every now and then both at home, school and while venturing about in the civil society. I still keep getting these lessons sometimes a bit strictly too. My upbringing and schooling in somewhat conservative environment also imbibed the basic tenets of my religion pretty deeply during those young years. Pretty early on, I was, without any doubt, able to comprehend that those tenets actually are a reflection of what a humane living should be. To be, support, defend and follow the 'true'. That was my childhood God. A true power that always supports the righteousness and the right. Becoming the 'right' became an underlying agenda. The definition of 'right' however was guided by what was expected from me. Those expectations being dictated by my own actions that brought be good words from people I cared for and respect. Parents, Grandparents, Teachers, and some neighbors. That agenda, I pursued as per my capability and patience.

Being right in all doings was so important that it became almost a continuous thought always reigning my mind. Trying to put my actions in a rationality guided by this theme as much as possible. Being right here does not mean to force my own opinions and expect unconditional acceptance thereof but being true to your inner self in all your actions and deeds. In that I thought, I will have support of the ultimate 'right' power and this rationale gave me courage to pursue that 'theme'.


That faith in the right stayed with me for a long time until some people close to me got hurt. There was no logical path that led to the incidents that my puny understanding of spirituality was able to comprehend. The silence of intellect underlined by a constant beep of doubt akin to the sound of silence that we hear when there is absolute no noise around us. I reasoned that the ultimate enables also befalls this pain when He could have saved us all of it. I could not agree with the hypothesis of 'God testing our faith' because I was told over and over that He knows all. All means all, including the strength of our resolve towards His will.

The reasoning offered by some that 'there is some hidden betterment for all in this' just did not work for me. These events brought in a law of pre-ordained-destiny as an explanation to the happenings. No matter how much right you do. Whatever is your destiny must befall you. Or honor you if it is so destined. No matter how much you pray, worship, wear symbols around your neck or apply sacred colors on your forehead (the pun is not intended).

Does that mean that there is no need to be right or true? That one will ultimately obtain what they deserve? Or instead of deserve, which makes it sound like we are the judges, lets say 'what is destined for them/us'? Those questions arose and remained unanswered by n number of religious speeches and books. It became a belief that destiny is a constant and it leads you to itself. Whenever I follow that school of belief, I am the happiest person. There are no regrets and no obligations towards any religious or spiritual duty. All the need for being a 'believer' in context of popular meaning of that term, is diminished beyond any significance or abolished altogether. The only belief is in doing the right with all your courage and capability and see the destiny slowly unfold in front of you. Amazing!

Does that means that we can turn into a villain without any moral obligations? Not really. There is no place where our deeds and actions are not going unaccountable for. We are constantly sending into the cosmos, a positive of negative energy by our actions and deeds. The pain inflicted on another being causes your 'cosmic vibes' to play against your tune. This energy dominates our inner self and shapes our future by acting as a driver of luck and chance opening up new doors to success or bringing upon failure and doom in otherwise.

The shine in your eyes and assertiveness in your statements comes from the positive or negative 'credits' you collected that way. The 'light (or darkness) within' shows and has its effect on the world outside. Good happens. Bad stays away (or the other way round). The creature gets his share of destiny. The believer credits it to God. The Atheist connects it to randomness of possibilities.

...and the thinker keeps wondering...!

[concluded]

A relationship unlike the rest

A few strands of trust, promises of a lifetime!

We are born surrounded with people that some cosmic artist had chosen for us to paint our spotless minds with memories and experiences. Siblings, parents, neighbors, relatives, are all decided by destiny even before we are born.

On the way of life, as we move on to find our successes and failures, joys and sorrows, we come across others who are also on the same path. Unconsciously, we judge them based on our own values and perceptions of human life and build an impression about that person in our mind.

If we are lucky, and it has been so ordained, we instantly find a channel of trust build up with someone who was a stranger just a few days ago. It is so natural that we never find ourselves making an effort to maintain that trust and bonding. It just gets stronger and stronger as we interact more.

It is then that we, again unconsciously, choose that person to share our joys, sorrows, ups and downs; unlike the destiny's choice to let us be surrounded by people not of our choosing, we choose that person to share the deepest thoughts about ourselves, the thoughts that we only can speak to a mirror!

And that person is whom we call a friend!

Friendship is that underlying purity that bonds every relationship which so ever. Teacher-Student, Mother-Daughter, Manager-Subordinate, Husband-Wife,You and God! Every relationship is not complete until an essence of friendship is present.

What is most cherish-able about friendship is that unlike all the other relations in the world, friendship exists only because the two like-minded souls have identified each other. They mean no greed to each other. No hate and no selfish motives.


They are just there for each other when needed. Truly concerned and honest. Distances and time cannot separate them and no evil soul can cause a rift in that trust.

Today, I feel proud to have had  and still have friends, moments spent with whom have become my golden memories. These memories that will always bring a teary smile on my face. Those few strands of trust so childishly exchanged on a few first Sundays of some distant Augusts have become promise of a lifetime that I am so happy to keep in spite of the distances and businesses that years have brought between us.


Consider yourself lucky if you have or ever had a friend!

Happy friendship day. :-)

Happy Birthday to you

Dedicated to those wonderful persons who have been there on my way on life to influence me in one or the other positive way. People who have been in a role of teacher-in-disguise in bringing me up and taught finer skills of being a human, a learner, a professional, a student, a friend...the list goes on.

What coerced me into this post is that while leisurely browsing my calender, I observed that few of those gem of a persons share their month of birth with this month. A very close friend, students, professional mentors, my spiritual guide, friends with whom I share many high-five moments, and a someone who is simply a delight to be around; all share this month of birth!

This also brought into perspective the fact the persons who play a nourishing role in bringing us up at every stage of life. That there are many virtuous human beings who, even while not being a part of our family, delight us no less than someone very close to oneself just by 'being there once upon a while'. Subtract the influence these people had in our lives, and we would be much less of professionals and much much lesser of persons.

People we come across impact us in one way or the other both positively and negatively. And once in a while, we all would come across a person who will influence us with one of their qualities so much so that we try to imbibe those qualities in our persona, want to be perceived like we perceive them. Or simply enjoy their company that it is never enough of being with their presence. To be in presence of someone so virtuous is a blessing in itself because such an happening needs a magical stroke of The Cosmic Artist.

Holy spirits keep on conspiring and creating opportunities to bring the learner and these teachers-in-disguise together so that the ordained treasure of wisdom may be passed on to the humble seeker.

And it is not only this wisdom that is gifted away by a teacher-in-disguise but also the shimmer to an ailing spirit by the one who emerged out of nowhere, the that last breath of courage enthused  into a tired mind by someone is no less than a Midas touch. Someone who told you that your nose is perfectly placed. ;-)  That you look fine in that color. That you are not fat. That you are doing just fine. And these words from them, you believed them with absolute trust and emerged more lively! I doubt there exists a person who does not have fond recollections of such beautiful persons that will always resound in their minds as from the ones who made a difference.

And what moment could be of more significance than the one when this journey of their lives began which was destined to cross roads with ours to drop in our laps, a Black Pearl of pure joy, enthuse new zeal, take away a self-doubt or just make our day with a heart warming smile. :-)

That is the day when they were born in this world. That is the day we should celebrate because that is when these beautiful human beings were set on to a road to these however small but pre-ordained associations with us that were going to make life of a truth seeker so very liveable.

Today may be that day in their life or maybe not but I wish to announce that I am glad that these beautiful people were born to make a difference in my life. Happy Birthday to all wonderful persons.

I hope that some day, I might be worthy of the same honor to someone else.

The thinker's pandora

Mind is in a constant state of evolution. Analyzing facts around us and putting them into a puzzle that seems to get more and more complex as years tick over. A jigsaw puzzle called life. As we think over and over, and overdo it, the thoughts start influencing themselves and then thoughts start creating new thoughts. Over a few cycles of these isolated introspective sessions, we may find ourselves thinking about the beliefs that originated from a thought and that are not really based on any real fact!

This is a dangerous stage to be at.

Because when our own mind becomes the engine for our thoughts, we give ourselves the power to lead our mental highways into any direction. At this point, we ignore the stimuli and facts around us and enter an unrealistic realm of thoughts that can lead us astray from reality. This, in combination with our basic inclination towards life,  past experiences, and our reactions to those experiences, can take us way up into the height of optimism, or low down into guilt trips that affect our mental constitution. Both the states being harmful to us and tend to mislead our perspectives of reality happening around us.

So while introspection is a fair means of knowing our true selves, too much of it may pronounce our slight apprehensions or inclinations and make a major dent in our social evolution. It is a responsibility of an alert mind to stay cautious about when to stop thinking about thoughts and mingle with the reality, get out of that couch and take a walk!

When that woman is around

When you catch her glimpse, your heart childishly desires her company. Even if for a moment. And what a moment that would be! The moment for which one can sacrifice an eternity. Such a heart desirous of that woman in a trance of delusion would only be conscious enough to reiterate what is deeply and truly felt towards that soul....

"When you are around, you take control of my thoughts. Freeze my actions and hypnotize me with that magnetizing aura of yours.

I feel humble, helpless, stupid! Intoxicated by your being, paralyzed by your presence. I wish to waste no time in living my life that moment. I only wish to pass every second of that moment in observing you. In living you.

A slightest gesture, a minuscule assertion of your thoughts on your face, a smallest swirl of the wind as you slowly move about observing the world your own way, a life threatening glance, are too valuable to miss.

Then comes a realization that how undeserving I am of you that I now perceive. You, who captivates my thoughts just by your presence. You, so pure and so innocent. You, so unaware of you!

How much I appreciate you, I am unable to express through my words, actions; even my thoughts seem to be immature to be able to express, if I was ever capable of, or if right words did exist, my fondness for you. My belief in you. You, as my ressurrector. Savior.

This inability of expression grows inside me. My sense of expression fails me. Desperation from this inability and a surging sea of longing fills me up. I am unable to contain it within myself, and it erupts from my eyes and trickles away.

Involuntarily, I wish I had been a bit more deserving of you..."

That poor soul has no right to complain. Only imagine the unreal, continue on the quest for real and rejoice in this unreal romance because what is unreal has more charisma and magic about it than the real thing.

Respect that woman

Dedicated to that special woman on woman's day

The very moment a man breaths his first, he is in contact with a woman, most likely first contact being a nurse and then his mother. Throughout his early life he is nurtured, cared, pampered and fed by her. She, a woman, knows what would his next thought be and ensures that his thoughts always be in high spirits. Whatever he endeavors into, she makes him feel he is a winner no matter what he has brought forth. She would even beat the earth when the toddler trips over from his own mistake. She ensures that he grows up strong, mentally and be fit to have his say in the world that he will face. She endures some humiliation at his hands to not to hurt his ego. She knows this because she has been wife to another man. She can 'think' about thoughts because she is a woman.

And man, whom nature has built strong to protect her, himself and endure the labor of hard-work to provide for a woman, so foolishly mistakes his this strength for a tool to rule the fairer sex. Even though he fails at the real world's stage, he is still stronger than the woman, louder as well. He tends to believe that she is her right, and treats her thus.

He is making a grave mistake here. For he is forgetting that the one who made him so is a woman. She has been engineering his thoughts to make him believe he 'can' even when he could not. She has cautiously self ordained this responsibility to act as a cushion for him when he falls, to pamper him when he is low and to endure him when he is enraged by his own failures showing back in his face. She is the woman.

That woman.

The woman who deserves to be seen not as a fixture at home that cooks, serves, washes and cleans. Not as a member of  opposite sex whom nature has created to satisfy man's carnal needs. Not even as a beautiful possession of a man's. Not as a member of opposite sex, the weaker race.

But as a totality of a man's incomplete self. As a person more valuable and more complete as the man himself is. If she is to obey, she has an equal right to command. If she bows, she has equal right to be respected. In bowing to her a man is not depicting his inferiority but instead his gesture just expresses his regard for a woman who has written away her own self for sake of a man whom she looks forward to be her support.

It is then when a man views his woman as a goddess who can reclaim him from all the evil and vice in his life, who can infuse a new valor into his failed will, who can tell him to believe and move forth, who's assurance is always there to comfort him for the next attempt, that he will find truly respected by the woman. He will have to use no coercion, he will not have to hide his failures with a display of rage and strength on that woman. She will understand. His ego will dissolve in thin air. He will find solace in participation from that woman in his life. Only then he will feel that his life is now complete. Only then he will feel alive and feel like to rise and fight again and again.

For such a man, she will go miles to display all the honesty, love and care she is capable of for that man who she now feels, truly believes in her. She will extend her unending support, unconditional trust and unfathomable love for such a person. So much so that he will wonder if he really is worthy of all that respect?

Yes, he is, because he has offered respect to a woman. The principle of reciprocation in a relationship is now working in favor of both.

God is happy to see his two creatures relishing the fruit of nature, life and being.

PS: I intended this post to convey something else but the thoughts took me elsewhere. I thought I should be just to the thoughts that came by naturally and above post conveys the same.

Edits
08-03-2011: Typo in the title! Thanks to Gurpreet for pointing out.

Love is...

Dedicated to all who seek the truest of Love

There were these two individuals, unknown to each other. They lived their life happily and enjoyed every moment of their life like any other individual.

Years went by and they never realized when an emptiness that was uncalled for, crept into their souls and grew inside them.They tried to fulfill this emptiness by venturing out into the world yet unknown, to look for a remedy to this feeling of hollowness. The need to get a resolve to this void sometimes became the only ruling thought in their minds. They wandered, indulged and, in their sub-conscience, prayed, in a hope to witness that one moment, that one streak of life, that will bestow a sense of completeness that they have been yearning for so long now. Looking for the soul that will relieve them from this this incompleteness which now just did not seem to loosen its grasp on their conscious selves.

In this yearning, they realized that no amount of entertainment was fulfilling enough, no cuisine was satisfying, no amount of success seemed to be stimulating and the adventure had lost its thrill. The world has just went dull. There seemed little point to continue living on.

But what they did not know was that the destiny had its plans for each of them. It has been conspiring against them and for them at the same time. It was the destiny that had silently sowed the seed of this need in their souls. And it is the destiny itself that had also planned for a moment when they will be rewarded for all that wait, all that yearning, all that hoping and praying, by a scintillating streak of life that will entice them towards it's source. This source being the soul from which this stream of hope seems to emanate. The soul that would pass as another human being to another human being. But not to the them, who were a part of that divine conspiracy which had acted upon the two of them.

Then one day, that moment came. Their vicinity of each other had that magnetic influence on each other that they both, in a flash knew that their moment have arrived.

The Cupid had struck.

Time around again this time, to them, no amount of entertainment seems to be fulfilling enough, no cuisine seems to satisfy, no amount of success seems to be stimulating and the adventure has lost its thrill...

...unless they are together!

These two souls who perceive each other as destiny's response to their unfulfilled emptiness are now bonded together in a spiritual tie which is beyond what any law or tradition can prescribe. It is beyond what any philosopher can describe. It is only what, on the two unnamed souls, that destiny can inscribe.

The hollowness that has been haunting them, the incompleteness whose resolve they have been waiting for, has been renounced by the advent the other. They are so glad to have been united. So much so that they feel that they are re-united. That they were two wandering souls of whom half only remained and other half was that void that they were awaiting to be fulfilled. Now that they have found their better halves, they are now one soul. From the two hollow halves have born one complete soul.

The only wish now of this complete soul is to live every moment in this state of utter fulfillment where even a twinkle of an eye, a small gesture of the body, an utterance is too important to be missed.

A flaw in any half of this soul belongs, not to that half, but now, to this one soul. The other half knows this and accepts this. In this acceptance, they remove the last boundary between them. They are one. For once and all. Till death does them apart.

It is now, that they are in the Love that Love itself is.

Getting a child's attention

On to my favorite subject. Children! They are so beautiful ; both internally and outside. It is hard to imagine how could the world that starts from such beautiful stage, tends to breed hatred, hypocrisy, war and greed. But discussing that is not my purpose today. Today, I only wish to narrate a small incident that took my attention while I was at a Cricket match organized by my colleagues.

This day, the school had some attendance as opposed to totally empty school that we have seen during all the other  matches. As per their routine, the junior students flocked into the lawns surrounding the playgrounds to have there lunch and play around. I think they were under the instruction of some teacher to allow the big boys, us, to play the game in peace. So far so good.

Someone noticed that few children are still too close and the Ball may just hit some of them if someone pulls a hard one which, is a routine on this ground. Especially this patch of lawn is visited many times by the fielders during a match . So I was asked to ask the kids to leave the place for safety.

I have been teaching for a while in the earlier days of my career and have a soft corner for children. Although I was not familiar with any of those kids enjoying their recess, I did not want to act a bully and drive them away like a truck wading through sheep on the highway. Some thinking was needed.

As I observed the children on the lawn, I saw couple of girls in groups forming circles, engrossed in sharing lunch and chatting their childhood talk. A randomized bunch of boys discussing the game as they observed us seniors play.

I thought that the boys were safe from the oncoming ball (if any) because they already had their attention towards the game and will notice it coming pretty early on to dodge it. But just to make sure they are into the game, I went over to them and:

Me: I hope you all are enjoying the game?
Children: Yess!

Me: You see that guy who is batting at the moment? He hits quite hard and almost here where you all sitting so watch out for the ball. Ok?
Children: Okay Sir.

I don't know why they addressed me with 'Sir'. I was expecting a 'Bhaiyaa' or something similar. The girls are still busy chatting. By then I have thought of something.

I went over to one of the two circles of chit-chat and stood facing the ones who can see the game happening. Other half were with their back towards the game and more vulnerable. I took time till I got some attention and asked with a 'real' smile on my face:

Can they see the game?

'Yes' came the reply.  

"But how will all these (I pointed) friends of yours see the game who are not facing it? And in case needed, the Ball coming?


Chit-Chat was temporarily suspended by the vulnerable half of the group and lunch lost attention for a while as well. I could sense the little minds thinking. As they deciphered the hidden concern behind that question, I was assured that point has made it home and I set on observing the expressions on their faces.

The chewing stopped and the eyeballs rolled towards the forehead without raising the heads. Then, food in hand was taken care of and a consensus was communicated by meeting eyes and nodding heads. Followed by some movements. Hands folding the lunch boxes temporarily, legs releasing themselves from the seated position preparing to carry their masters away from the threat. 'Threat' because unlike the group of boys, these girls were more interested in their chit-chat and sharing than in the game that, for them, must have seemed to be more of an inconvenience now.

I was glad that I have not registered a bad stroke on their budding minds about how adult strangers behave. I returned back to the team in pavilion after completing the task. Only I knew what I have gained extra today.

Calling God to the witness box - II

Note: This post is not related to Ayodhya verdict as the title may seem to suggest to some readers

Disclaimer: The comments and views expressed here are the author's own and not aimed at hurting anyone's beliefs and feelings. If you are offended, author seeks apology and wishes to inform that these are author's personal thoughts and he is free to so express. Content here is not endorsed/sponsored by any institution or group

Previous post on the subject:

• Calling God to the witness box - I

My views on God in my last post might have made me sound like an Atheist. Which is also true to some extent. I do not wish to out-rightly disregard the existence of deities and spiritual powers but the essence of my previous post is somewhat motivated by a long standing confusion. The confusion arising  from two contradictory facts. One, that God wishes no harm to anyone, means no hatred, is compassionate, forgiving and knows all. Second, that the one who worships him, kneels before him, prays in front of him for material objects, happiness and peace, only such person shall be blessed and granted her/his desires.

If  God knows the insides of the insides of our souls; if He knows what we think, wish and believe about Him and His creations; where does the need for communication of our desires, wishes, etc arise? What would be the significance of a prayer that in itself happens as a consequence of His will directing a mind to move to a temple and pray?

Since long, I see people pray. I see people kneel down and scribble on the floor with their noses, in a gesture to display the humility that they owe towards the greatest giver of all. To impress Him? I see people routinely donating to His places, in His name. I see them never miss a day when they have not visited His temple.

And...

I also see the very people badmouth about others. I hear about the acts of greed, hatred, jealousy of the same very people. I hear them quarrel over dimes, over supremacy. I see them flaunt the very gifts they have been demanding from Him in front of the less lucky ones. The same very people who have been playing the loyal servant of God are, in another role, now playing a reckless, greedy human being who would, at a moment's notice, harm a fellow human with words or actions to demonstrate their might and supremacy over rest of them as much as possible.

Isn't it so that the God also watches them playing this new role? Is it that it is only when inside the temple that their deeds are visible to Him? Is God so innocent that He is driven away by their prayers and their acts wrongdoings are all waived off?

In contrast to this, a person who perceives Him in all His creations; who respects all beings for they are also His creations. Whose expression of love for Him only lies in performing the duties that He has ordained for this devotee who humbly carries out all His commands and abides by all His actions that happen to test him and his devotion. Such a person is in continuous state of prayer, no matter what she/he is doing. His Karma is his devotion. Such a person needs not to walk up to a temple to pay his obeisance rather for such a being, the whole world is home to God and he is always worshiping. Such a person is always able to communicate his thoughts to Him no matter where she/he is.

But if it still holds that praying and wishing to Him is required in order to get all our Karma to be accounted for and that we have to bow and kneel in his temples, no matter how humble we are in our deeds and expectations from Him, I would say that is in contradiction with the very nature of God that we are taught since we were able to comprehend human expression, that God is forgiving, he expects nothing but only gives and gives.


In this manner does that also holds that a creature, no matter how he treats fellow beings, shall be forgiven for all his ill deeds in his temples? Even if it is a way of life for him to steal and ask for forgiveness the very next day? Which one is the true way to appease God? Or does one (true way) even exist?

All the above unanswered questions stem from my varying beliefs in the concept of God and how I have been trying to rationalize and reconstruct them over years as I experienced and observed others' experience of what is called the acts of God and His will (Bhana). Since childhood onwards, like everyone else, my understanding of God has been changing based on my own experiences and observations. I hope someone will relate to those when I discuss the same later.

Calling God to the witness box - I

Note: This post is not related to Ayodhya verdict as the title may seem to suggest to some readers

Disclaimer: The comments and views expressed here are the author's own and not aimed at hurting anyone's beliefs and feelings. If you are offended, author seeks apology and wishes to inform that these are author's personal thoughts and he is free to so express. Content here is not endorsed/sponsored by any institution or group.

Prelude: "If you shall not bow in front of me, you shall be condemned to suffering and pain of all sorts till you finally agree to bow"

Since I don't know when, the society around me have been working hard day and night to instill a fear of an unknown spiritual power that no one has as yet claimed to have witnessed in person and no one can either claim that it does or does not exist. Every now and then, someone will attribute some bad happening in our lives to this spiritual power and try to provide a cure for the ensuing feeling of envy, pain, remorse, hatred, jealousy etc. Of course this spirit gets all the credit for all the good that happens without fail.

Not only me but every single human being born on this planet is fed with this conundrum right from the day they are born. Aka God.

My mother has been telling me to thank Him for all that I am and all that I am not. Because all that I am, is because He has enabled it, and that all that I am not, is because He sees something better for me. I am told to pray for goodies and success and prosperity from Him. Because He, being so generous will grant me whatever I ask for.

Scriptures and holy books, saints and religious orators tell us that He is the most generous of all, forgives all and showers the one who prays for him with material wealth. The worshiper of Him is granted immunity from all the evil and such a person enjoys special privileges in the 'life beyond' - Another conundrum I must opine.

Over a period of all these years, the existence of this spirit has so much become a part of my belief system that I instinctively feel obliged to bow to him every now and then. I feel that if I do not bow enough, do not thank enough, do not worship enough the ultimate giver, I might not make it. I might not be granted the rightful reward of my efforts in this world and that I might be left alone to make it on my own, abandoned by Him for I was not worshiping him enough.

I assume that many among us believe that if we do not thank Him and worship him during the good times, bad times and misfortune will befall upon us and then we will be again subject to the mercy of His acts and forced to remember Him and seek Him for all the mercy we need to avert the unfortunate circumstance.

Scriptures say that one who does not worship Him, praise Him every morning and evening, or however someone's religious dictum dictate, he/she shall be subject to pain and sufferings throughout the life.

This may not go very well with most readers. I do not wish to propose the non-existence of any such spiritual power. Above prerequisite (to pray, worship, visit His shrines) sounds to me not quite based on the qualities that of a spiritual power that has no enmity, ego, pride, jealousy with any living organism in the universe. Rather, to me it sounds more like a dictator's order, "If you shall not bow in front of me, you shall be condemned to suffering and pain of all sorts till you finally agree to bow".

to be continued...

The amused silent observer

Recalling a chapter from The Story Of My Life - Helen Keller wherein she mentions what would she wish to see if, by a miracle, she is able to see the world for just three days, I understood that it is simply amazing to see how much of the universe around us do we do not see but only look at through our eyes. We are so used to the world around us and so busy making our days count that we only see what is needed to accomplish a certain daily chore.


Having read the account of how Helen Keller wishes to view the world if she were granted with a vision for three days, came a new insight into how we see the world around us. It felt as if everything I was looking at is renewed and filled with a freshness that I can perceive through this renewed sense of vision that now includes a characteristic of childlike delight of discovery and a sense of wonder and praise for those insignificant happenings as they happen. Although you cannot be an artistic observer at all times, that one time was something that made this post happen.

As I learned to see the observable world (again), it unfolded with millions of perspectives that earlier passed for nothing.

My limited vocabulary and amateur skills of self expression are insufficient to explain what it feels like to try 'seeing' the world form a new periscope of delight, wonder and discovery. So I feel better to use some examples.

The struggle of an ant carrying a speck of food around is a routine observation. But it is delighting to wonder about the fact that such an insignificant (in our world) creature has its own set of thoughts. I am unsure if they are actually 'thoughts' because it is we humans only that pride ourselves with that capability. But whatever, something is driving that creature towards a destination and the effort. Isn't this new discovery wonderful?

Have you ever observed a face ever so carefully that you can notice the mind behind the face doing thinking, calculations, concluding and the face just goes on reflecting all that? The smallest twitch of an eyebrow that changes whole expression of the face to reveal to you that some thought did not ended into a very worthy conclusion or a minuscule smile appearing for a nanosecond as a consequence of fond thoughts crossing the mind!

The ordered randomness in patterns of nature; trees swaying to the rhythm of cool evening breeze as if few wise men nodding in agreement to some deep rooted discussion going on.

Pollen strewn below the flower bearing trees shining in the morning sun telling that there is life happening silently.

The narrow continuous trickle of water from the edge of a fountain, wavering like a threadlike serpent, while others look at just a fountain. A few drops of water waiting to be fed by the mist of a fountain so that they can drop free to meet the ground.

Not only nature, looking at the man's creations, the society moving and living around, life happening,  busy people, expressing people, a lonely rusty bicycle awaiting its the owner, an abandoned vehicle counting its days, the cement jungle about to fade into the night.

Everything has an inherent characteristic of delight and wonder to the onlooker who is blessed to so observe.

Such an onlooker, the observer of the world and its events, the one blessed with this childlike sense of wonder is never bored whatever situation he is 'observing', he will always be in his own world. Amused at the little little-ings happening around him. He is blessed by the goddess of Black Pearls and needs no companion to amuse him.

Try to get into that mode sometime and forget your ills, perils, boredom, workload. See how it feels to be an amused silent observer.

God, enlighten me to only what I can comprehend

Human mind is capable of strange imaginations. If let run wild, it comes up with all sorts of unimaginable enigma.


We do not have to cautiously make an effort to imagine, imagination runs wild without we even noticing it, totally justifying use of the adjective.


Such a wild mischief of my thoughts led me to something that merits a mention in this blog. I wonder if I will be able to put forth what I wish to given my limited knowledge of words.

It was nothing more than the usual self talk that all of us carry out at all the times. But when we are about to retire to the bed, free of all the tasks of the day, and have not yet thought about the coming day, it is then that we completely let go the leash and let the imagination run wild through the thought-jungle.

Not of a tense and undirected person but this day, being of a person loud awake in his head, I tended to think what my purpose and objective should be?

Of the being itself!

Of being a son, brother, citizen, student, teacher, mentor and all those roles that I am juggling every day.
Not only (the purpose and objective) of being but also of what I am about to be in the coming times as well. What would complete the purpose of being on this planet? Of being human and being able to analyze and act on the basis of the same? One question followed another answer and the recursion continued till I was no longer able to comprehend my own thoughts and I let go. Decided just to be what I can at a time and invest to be better and better at that. Hoping that the rest will take care of itself as it does for rest of the world.

But imagination is not limited and the previous conclusion ignited another splinter in my head. Why it was so that I had to give up on the answer to previous thought?

And this time the Goddess of Black Pearls swirled her magic wand and dropped a Black Pearl in my lap.

Lets repeat the question. Why I had to give up on the answer?

Maybe because it is not supposed to be answered by a human mind? No. I am not the best mind, there have been and are thinkers and saints that have vivid thoughts on life. I am just a spec of dust in front of them. Maybe they can answer it.

So does it comes out to be that the question was, but the answer was beyond my comprehension of the world till now? I like a curious person, who has touched the candle flame, and knows how hot it is, now perhaps wanted to feel how hot is the Sun! Even if someone presents the Sun in front of him, he will perish long before he is able to feel the limit of radiation it exudes.

Sun here being a metaphor for incomprehensible amount of knowledge that lies within the universe, I being an incapable mind in comparison to that.

There are undoubtedly many more questions that our mind can raise but the answers to them, we cannot contemplate or even comprehend if someone, within us or outside, attempts to enlighten us on the same. Like a scientist explaining theory of relativity to an illiterate, all the explaining and argumentation will have no effect on the illiterate's faith in the fact that time cannot be stretched if we move faster than light. Corollary? We will stay illiterate from some aspect of this world, the life and its mechanisms.

I only wish that I be enlightened to what I can comprehend and the rest I shall take to be based on some divine wisdom that only the Goddess of Black Pearls chooses to distribute. Till she chooses me, I feel blessed thriving in the ignorance of the unknown and incomprehensible.

Where are you headed for Sardar jee??

Traveled home this weekend. Return was on Sunday evening and as usual, I reached Mohali around 10:30 PM. If you are lucky, you may get a few autos on the bus-stop but on some not so lucky days (lets be optimistic and avoid the word unlucky :-) ), you can be greeted by an empty stretch heading towards where your home is with couple of street dwellers to garnish the scene.

Worse still, and what I hate the most, you may be welcomed by an enthusiastic but opportunistic auto rickshaw driver seeking  the chance you just provided him. He is the only conveyance available and you are in no way constituent enough to walk some 8 KM to your home with that backpack on you. So, the kill is you and if he is able to make your situation seem miserable enough he may shell out four to ten times the normal fare!

The wise reader knows why I am building this pretext. So that is how it happened this time as well. A sudden surge of blood into my skull made me refuse to the only option offered to me to take me to my place that was made in a plain, indifferent and highly professional sounding tone.


What follows next is what made my day most interesting.


There was no point in staying at the same place that auto stood in order to become an object of misery and occasional verbal pokes to avail the offer being the only available option. Like a vulture waiting for the prey to succumb to hunger and thirst to feast upon, they keep an eye on you till you surrender.


I found it more dignified to move on from that point onwards. On foot! Generally I have experienced that you encounter some other auto one on the way to pick you up after walking a couple of kilometers. There are honest people working for bread out there as well you see.

So, walking I am, with traffic moving on but none for hire. Looking back for an oncoming auto, then walking for a few meters and then again looking back so that I don't miss one.

In this commotion going on inside as well as outside, I suddenly noticed a goods transporter auto rickshaw stop about 30 meters ahead of me. A man unmounted and stood there for a while. Then started walking towards me and dangled a bit to this and that side of himself as if drunk. At this time of the night you cannot be sure what is about to come. However my experiences with uncivilized part of the society have been rare.

That dangling figure was now only 10-15 steps away. A confrontation was inevitable. So what? I turned my antennas up to high level of alertness and walked on. As soon as he was in proximity of one hand's length to my personal space, he inquired, "Sardar jee kithay jaa rahe ho?" (Hi there, where are you headed to?)

That sounded normal and the words where put in a pretty friendly tone. It was in invitation for a free ride as the guy was headed in the same direction as mine. I again rethought about the offer, tried to smell any booze on him. There was none and I realized that that dangling gesture was his way of waiting for me. Funny isn't it?

Looked at his face, seemed like a God's humble creature so I trusted my instincts and hoped in the driver's cabin.

On the way, he started this conversation about why he stopped here for me. I was able to learn that when he was newly married, someone had provided similar services to him and his wife on the way to home while it was raining. And that he returns the favor to the society by helping out travelers whenever possible.

That was indeed dramatic. I don't know whether I would have been able to obtain a for-hire ride home or not. But I certainly brought something home that day.

A black pearl and a debt to return to the society!

Soul talk!

[Disclaimer: The following is a fictitious discussion based on various black pearls gathered over the time. Any resemblance to any person or situation known to human history will be considered a matter of coincidence]

2:42 AM 
Soul: hi
Blogger: Hello. How are you doing?
2:44 AM        
Soul: Dun knw
Blogger: Strange! Are you drunk?
2:46 AM     
Blogger: Why you have not slept yet?
Soul: I am fine and okay. Dun wry.
2:50 AM 
Blogger: You are not sounding like you are telling me you are. What's the matter?     
Soul: actly m nt able to ctrl stuff goin around me.i dun knw y GOD is doin dis to me.
Blogger: Happens sometimes. But it happens to everyone. Why are you so worried about that? Will be okay in a week or two. Relax.
2:51 AM        
Soul: Bye then. Cya…
Blogger: You really are drunk! Are ya?
Soul: I dun wanna tlk to ne 1
Blogger: Okay
Soul: cya
2:52 AM       
Blogger: Take care. Try to sleep.
Soul: ya by.thnx

---------------------------------------------------an hour later


4:02 AM        
Soul: r u free or busy??
Blogger: For my own soul? I am always free to listen. Do I have a choice? ;-)
4:04 AM        
Soul: i m worried and yet don’t know y. m so much tense! :(
Blogger: That is strange. No reason huh?
Soul: Ya wdout ny reason
Blogger:Did you had a scuffle with someone?
Soul: Nooooooo. I am just getting irritated!!
4:05 AM       
Blogger: Then what could it be?
Soul: idk.
Blogger: I think you have not slept well or not taken food seriously in last few days
Soul: From last 6 hours i m tryin to go to sleep!
4:06 AM        
Blogger: Oh my God! If I were like that mood, I would have a good bath, have something delicious to eat and go out for a walk.
Soul: hmmmm. gud suggstn. bt its too late to go out
4:08 AM        
Blogger: Or say too early! ;-) its already 4 AM. People will be out of the bed in an hour or two!
Soul: shut up and BYEEEEEEEEE. You are no use talking to.
Blogger: Hey! Did I make you angry? I was just trying to cheer you up!
Soul: yes u did. i m nt kiddin. n nt the kind that keeps up for 6 hrs trying to sleep ya alrdy knw tht
4:09 AM       
Blogger: Even I am not.
Soul: i feel u r laughing @ me..
Blogger: Not at all! Let’s talk then. Are we okay now?
Soul: seems so. if u don’t make mor fun of me.
Blogger: Okay tell me what is it?
Soul:i thnk m tense cuz i feel tht i m out of d league of dis wrld. the ppl i cannot adjst with at all timz. cuz dey nvr think a moment befor sayin ne thing to me. n i wondr wot d hell  r dey made of tht dey nvr feel tht dey hv hurt smone.  dey will keep on shoutin around and telling lies bout me lies every1. I nvr feel like I hv to xplain maself. Why shud I xplain maself whn i m tru inside. bt ultimately ppl think i m wrong cuz I nvr speak out.
4:13 AM
Blogger: I see.
4:15 AM

Blogger: Then you should speak for yourself!
Soul:y shud i defend maself ven m not rong at al?  and in dis stupid world every1 believes the 1 who keeps on shouting "me ! me! me! me!". including u now.
Blogger: You seem to be an honest person stuck in the wrong planet on this universe.
Soul: See you are again lafing @ me. GO AWAY!
Blogger:No I am not. I meant that I see that you are not made for the people where you are straddled with. You are above them all.
4:17 AM  
Soul: i feel like usless. it is so easy for dem to prove me to be usless. i cannot adjust wth der ways. i canot talk in thr ways and every thing. evrywhre i hv been til now i find ppl lyk dis only. so how m i gonna liv dis hol dam lyf? M a DAM WASTE!!
Blogger: Hey wait! Don’t conclude that about yourself yet. One sec, do you believe in GOD?
Soul: a lot
Blogger: Do you think that GOD puts us in diferent situations?
4:23 AM
Soul: yes. all the tym
Blogger: And that its GOD and not the people that puts us in this situation?
Soul: as i m ryt now? yes i think so.
Blogger: Second question. Do you think its GOD and not the people playing around with you?
Soul: i think u r ryt
4:24 AM
Blogger: So when you are in a bad situation (with people) you don’t have to cope with them.
instead, you have to adjust with the situation that GOD has put you in.
If you ignore someone who is not being good to you or you supress your hate towards someone. You are actually proving your worth to GOD who put you up with that person.
4:25 AM 
Soul: wt if i feel dat i m in bad situation due to ma faullt.how can i justify maself?
Blogger: Again. I would say that GOD makes us make mistakes
4:26 AM
Soul: yeah sounds nice to hear. not practical
Blogger: Listen, even as I am saying this, is because GOD is right now making me say all this to you. There is no millisecond  in your life when he is not watching you, not controlling your and others' actions. So just play around in his plot. :-)
Soul: but....if its so easy to implemnt dis den i think a person cn nvr b tense
4:27 AM  
Blogger: Yes. But to think like that over n over again makes it easy to bear with them
Soul: ryt
4:28 AM  
Blogger: Like if someone bitches against you and humiliates you and you just look up and say, "Oh GOD, see whom you have stuck me with?" and don’t say anything to the person :-)You have just "coped" with the situation.Without any hatred for the person or grudge about yourself.
4:29 AM  
Soul: hmmmmm.  :-)
Blogger: :-)
4:30 AM
Soul: u are 2 gud at practicing dis self cntrl. teach this 2 me also.
4:31 AM
Blogger: Your don't need to learn this from me. You are inside me all the time and actually I learned it from you only during one of your cheerful days:-)
Soul: wtf?? I m not in mood of joking Blogger!! tell me hw i shud change maslf to make my lyf easir.
Blogger: Ok serious. You are perfect. Need to change nothing about you. Just tense. So you can't think straight at the moment. But you have been guiding me when we both conversed with each other while you used to be happy and cheerful. You are just the way GOD wants you to be. If he would want you in some other way, he will have you be that way. So no changes needed.
4:35 AM  
Soul: ok
4:36 AM  
Blogger: But you may hurt yourself when you feel a pressure to retaliate in the most hurting way to someone who, according to you, have insulted you. And you cannot retaliate being so nice on the inside. So you feel guilt when you have acted that way.
Soul: ok maybe. nt sure.
Soul: may b u r correct

Blogger: So I have to say just that you have to sense that pressure to retaliate and then tell yourself that "This is the moment and I am going make it work for me" and then control your responses
Soul: okhey! Then?
4:37 AM  
Blogger: Think and think and then say something lighter
Soul: what lighter? d guy whoz just pissed me, y shud i get into a peace tlk with him?
Blogger: That is because the other person must be lying about some fact or have misunderstood something or is intentionally bending some facts into not-so-favor of yours.
Soul:With me, dis the the case alwyz. what 2 do then? no 1 will agree that dey r lying
Blogger: So if you try and enquire, the offender will be forced to face the true fact. So, the best thing would be to ask the person, "why you think so?" or  what made you say so? or  how you know i did that?  as  politely as possibly manageable by you at that point of time.
4:38 AM 

Soul:what gud wil tht b?
Blogger: Then you will know the real situation why someone acted like that. The offender will then be put into a situation to defend himself and explain his/her act!  Also, there are some people that GOD sends to check your patience and they will irritate you a lot and don’t just get your point. Then telling yourself that you just cannot win an argument with a fool and relax. GOD will be smiling at you.
4:39 AM  
Soul: but what wen u face a situation dat u always help smone do their work as u take them as friends ..bt dey dnt care for u ...as u care for them ..  den wt should be done.  stop caring?
Blogger: Stop caring the next time they ask for help.
Soul: dnt cieonsider dem ur frnd?
Blogger: I think yes. Don’t consider them.
Soul: or just help nd never expect nything
Blogger: BOTH!
4:40 AM Help, dont expect and if they dodge you then dont help the next time they are not friends who won;'t help
Soul: i m fed up now!! i canot jst let thm tk advntage of me all d time! what do u do to escape d burden of such situations? you pretend to be the knower of all things. how YOU get by wid such ppl?
Blogger: The satan will fall at your feet and then strangle you at the first opportunity.
4:43 AM
Soul: huh? wot that means? explain.
Blogger: I too sometimes get fed up. So I even sometimes know that I am being taken advantage of, will give away the help and let GOD witness my effort.
Soul: Interesting. Go on…
4:44 AM  
Blogger: I imagine GOD watching me being exploited. Then, in my heart, I say, “GOD, see I am still helping this person. Will you reward me for this sometimes in future?”
Soul: Okay. do u evr gt a reply?
Blogger: I always hear, “Yes, I will never let you down”
Soul: bt smtym I feel dat I whack the idiots so hard that blood runs down thir nosez like anything
4:45 AM  
Blogger: That is when you forget GOD is watching both of yours' actions. Theirs’ and yours both!
Soul: oh, pretty prophetic! gud. then?
4:46 AM   
Blogger: When you want to take control of the Good and Bad then you feel like this. If you always act as if GOD is watching, you will never feel that someone can hurt you at all
Soul: bt i m a confused creature
Blogger: Okay. I tell you something if you can do that
Soul: Okay, i’l try. tll me.
4:48 AM  
Blogger: Imagine that god has a small hidden camera that always follows you and it has a microphone also. He is watching and listening all the time to our words and thoughts alike.
Soul: okey. That means knows also dat a couple of hours ago I had let my steam off on Blogger for someone else’s fault!
Soul: sorry god.  i ll try to change dese things. Forgive me!
4:49 AM  
Blogger: he he, I am fine with that.
Blogger:Even though someone seems happy to have insulted you or teased you or blamed you falsely. He/she will always know in his/her heart what they did to you.
Blogger: They will always have a burden on their minds. They always feel low on confidence and always make fun of others to gain more importance. They are everywhere. They will win an argument over you by saying anything.
4:50 AM  
Blogger: Just remember. GOD-CAMERA-MIC?
Soul: bt dey alwyz show me dwn by lieng nd winning all arguments with me. i hate tht!
Blogger: Winning an argument is not an achievement.You cannot win an argument with people who don’t understand logical reasoning. You can just assume that GOD is watching you deal with them as if it was a responsibility put upon you by GOD himself. Remember that He is watching you and the person in front of you himself. He is making him utter the words that you hear and watching you react. The CAM follows you everywhere. And them too! All are accountable somewhere for every word they said and every finger they pointed and every smile they passed.
4:55 AM 
Soul: wao. damn u GOD! nice cam you got there.
Blogger: What the hell?
Soul: oops. kidding! ;-)
Blogger: Watch that kid! Seems you are recovering now.
Soul: after wasting a night, i shud b.
Blogger: Ya, and you wasted mine too. At 5, there is no use sleeping now or trying to.
Soul:i m 2 tired to stay up nw. im gonna sleep.
Blogger: Sleep at 5 AM?
Soul: at 5 AM yes.So? You are my body. my slave!!
Blogger:Here goes...Good night folks. Or Good morning.
Soul:Whatever!
4:59 AM

Call me a fool...

"dedicated to the one with rose colored glasses"

Call me a fool...I won't mind!

In fact being truly human is all about being a fool. Many pragmatic thinkers would agree to that without hesitation. There is a percentage of the mob who will incessantly label an action or reaction based on an emotional call as a foolishness when they view it against the manners of material world.

As per my thoughts, it takes the skin of a Rhinoceros to take a call from the heart in your stride and just move on. I am not convinced that those hard boiled politicians and criminals don't get a call whenever they commit  something that should is not to be done as per the principles of morality and civilization. They are only pretending to ignore those calls and ultimately perish under the huge burden of trauma that they have caused.

Same goes with all among us who are owners of lesser of those Rhinocerian virtues. Some will acknowledge the call and act. Others decide to bear the burden for rest of their lives.

On affection and attachment, again, fools I appreciate. Fools that jump into trouble for other Fools who have done the same sometime in the past. A preacher of materialism would advocate to keep his skin safe on pretext of destiy and jump out of trouble while someone else faces the music.This preacher is not a Fool, so would state he by measuring the degree of lunacy on his worldly scale.

Fools we are, to cry for someone leaving us.
Fools we are, to take the blame of others.
Fools we are, to take the long route to success.
Fools we are, to let go and start over again.
Fools we are, and in this state of Lunacy, we sing, enjoy, be merry and proud!

A Lilliputian situation! - The first few days-III

I remember the first morning assembly of my teaching life so vividly because:

One, it was after such along time that I was (again) going to be a part of one. The early morning sun slowly warming up the walls of the building in the shelter of which 1200 students were lined up at an arm's length from every side. Waiting for what was a routine for them but today, an event for me. Probably because after I stepped out of the the school for the last time as as student, I had subconsciously let go all the possibilities of entering an morning assembly again in life and hence the memories thereof. But here I was. The Goddess of Black Pearls had decided that I have so many Black Pearls to collect as a Teacher who will be looking away from the broad rosy daylight into the beautiful, scintillating eyes of hundreds of humans in making.

Two, I was still in the process of realization of the fact that I am 'actually' a Teacher now. Being a Teacher was never a career goal for me. Or even an option. I was here after a sequence of events. But it was happening. I was going to be able to influence the curious budding minds like no one ever can. A teacher's words are the statements that no one can refute. As kids we never accepted anything but what a Teacher had said, as the universal truth. Never did it occurred to our imagination that a Teacher is also as human and can also be as prone to err. This perspective of a Teacher during my school days had made me listen to them rather carefully leading me to be a person I am now. They still keep on guiding us as mentors hidden inside us. And my managers as mentors from the outside! :-) This moment of my induction into the Teaching discipline had acted as a memory agent and inscribed the day well in my head. Allocating a few neurons to preserve it. :-)

Three, it was first time in my life that I was attending a school assembly from the other side of the fence. As a Student, the life of a Teacher was sort of comparable to of a celebrity who has all the luxuries. Luxury of not having to do Homework. Luxury of taking tests, luxury of awarding 'Good', 'V Good' and 'A+' on notebooks. Luxury of letting the tired Students relax for a while. Luxury of announcing roll call. Luxury of having Lunch warmed in the Oven. However this luxury used to be delegated to the Class Monitors in case the Teacher was not coming for some reason. The luxury of skipping the rounds of the Playground when arriving late to the School.

The staffroom discussions used to be a mystery and the odd number of registers and notebooks that they used to inscribe something on very carefully seemed to be the scriptures where they are writing some secret notes that only a Teacher knows how to. And now this first day I was about to enter this world of the Teachers and will be viewing it from their side, the other side of the fence. As a teacher. The thought itself was enough. Just like the anticipation that you have before you let go the Clutch on your first ever car ride!

As it was a routine for the students, the hundreds of little humans knew when to recite what. The assembly began with the holy Gayatri Mantra. 1200 mouths reciting in unison...

"Aum Bhur Bhuvah Swah, Tat Savitur Varenyam
Bhargo Devasya Dhimahi, Dhiyo Yo Nah Prachodayat"

I did not knew the meaning of above lines that were pronounced over and over a few times. But the chorus of so many voices gave the chant a heavenly echo that reverberated across the still building imbibing the whole moment into a spiritual aura. I never experienced such a moment during my student life while attending thousands of those morning assemblies!

That first day will always last in my memory as a cherished Black Pearl.

Thank you Pearls!

A Lilliputian situation! - The first few days-II

The day I joined as a teacher was many years since I last attended a school assembly. I remembered all the activities that we did as the morning assembly. Surprisingly distinctly.

How it felt to walk with feet tightly clad in BATA shoes size 11. Making small pentagonal patterns in the sandy assembly ground. Many thousand small pentagons, circles, squares, straight lines on the sandy assembly ground.

How the shock-waves from the drum, propped on the 'X' shaped stand near the entry gate, hitting your chest felt when you passed it. Marching. The proud looking school band students. Exuding an aura as if they were leading the royal band of her excellency.

The shirts and trousers ironed to perfection (by moms and dhobis) and then the shoes shined with damp air from the mouth hoping that some teacher will notice us having put in so much effort and select us as the best dressed of the day.

The students lined up perfectly like some tree farm has forgotten to grow above the trunks. The lazy ones rubbing their shoes on the trousers to hide their lethargy. More tree trunks joining in synchronized steps. Many long morning shadows escorting the trunks to their places so well known to synchronized steps.

Some used to wear non school white socks. Not allowed in school maybe because the school did not get the commission on the non standard ones that are not bought from the authorized (read commissioned) store. Boys used to be at better luck than girls who had no way to hide these socks in those just-below-the-knee skirts. A Byomkesh Bakshi fan teacher on duty will have them raise the trousers to catch the fish that tries to hide behind the stones. Exemplifying their detective skills by conquering an 11 year old's IQ.

Prefects! used to move around the uniform jungle and dragging, moving and putting students here and there to make their rows as perfect as possible. One arm distance to the front and the sides. Who manufactures the standard arms? To me they seemed like expert nurses in hospitals that knew what they are doing, overseeing anyone in the room and the patient the most.

A PT teacher, commander of the assembly would have all the feet thump within the same Milli-second.

Attention! - THUMP!

Stand-at-ease! - THUMP!

TOGETHER!

ATTENTION! - THUMP!

Possibly more concerned to show the principal his command of his army, than inculcating any spirit of discipline in the recruits.

I wonder how the new experience would look from the side that I was on today?

I knew that they know all the childhood skills we practiced. To talk in the assembly, doodle on the sand with our shoes during prayer, how to whisper to the preceding class mate without making a movement.

I was about to witness the situation as one of my teachers would have been. Will I experience the same frustration that I saw in them while in school? Will I end up turning into one of those, always frustrated, always complaining about the students, teachers?

The experience was going to be new for me. I was mentally practicing the dialogues I will have to say all the time from now on.

Be quiet!

Sit Straight!

Stand in a line!

Would I be screaming all those dialogs that we remember our teachers shrieking unto us to this day?

Some coarse loudspeaker announced. SILENCE!

It was the PT teacher. The morning assembly proceedings were about to begin.

A Lilliputian situation! - The first few days

On the path to life, somewhere, I found myself in the role of teacher! Teaching computer sciences (and some other subjects) to pre, middle and high schoolers.

What took me there is not relevant now. What I am glad about is that I have been there. One of the most satisfying experience of life till now if I ignore the payslip :-)

Being a teacher, almost naturally, brought a sense of great responsibility with itself. Like Spiderman said, "With great power comes great responsibility!". When I discovered that I am being handed over hundreds of minds as blank as a paper and being asked to draw out on them, the first few strokes into the making of that final portrait that these wonderful minds will become in just a few years to come, the power was great indeed!

About the third day into this new world, a student had remarked,"Sir, You have worn a different wristwatch today!".

In a month, I got to know, thanks to my candid approach in the classrooms, what all the students noticed about their teachers, how they idealize them, how they follow (or ignore) their instructions religiously (or dreadfully!).

To my amazement, the color of shoes, how often are they polished, how frequently they are changed, way I open the pen. (I joined in winters and used one hand as the other one used to be tucked in warmth of my pocket and this had became a habit that stays to this day :-) ) How teachers laugh, a pet word they always say, a pet excuse for not having marked the tests, a pet warning, a funny face, color of nail paint, dialect, pronunciation, their clumsiness, body odor, eating habits, when they (teachers!) slept in the class! Everything was in their notes and observation.

And I just realized how closely I (and others too) am being observed by those curious observant eyes that are keen to explore the world and acquire every bit of information from the experiences that they are about to receive.

I thought that I will be noticed every moment because there are not one, two or three, but more than a thousand pair of eyes noticing every gesture and every movement of mine. Like thousands of Lilliputians around you and I felt so enormous that could not hide from them. They were everywhere. Scrutinizing and judging me more than the interviewers do.

Maybe they would find me funny, maybe they would find me too good at something, maybe I am able to amuse them and win them over, or maybe I end up looking like a fool yelling at a cauliflower farm in front of me.

As a simple human virtue, I never wanted to be talked about as an object of humor in their community, or given a funny name to be called by when I was not hearing, or laugh at home mimicking me in front of the family, and worse of all, get imprinted in their elephant memories as such a character. We all have these elephant memories from the school time don't we?

My first reaction was of a rabbit in the jungle who just came across a tiger. I stood still, observing the danger. For now that is what I thought it was.

This impression was about to change soon and for good of both of us...

The learning eye

Here, I mentioned an unconscious phase of life when we are unaware of ourselves being destined to be certain sorts of individuals.

But what happened when we were loud conscious about our being? What created us from then on? Were the decisions we took still ours? Or were they again orchestrated by a supernatural conspiracy that defined us in the first place? Do we still rely on the Strokes of the cosmic artist to keep on painting our selves with those finer strokes?

Let us put it this way that the cosmic artist was still at work, providing us with small glimpses of opportunities to learn. We were already receiving everything from the surrounding world. But during the unconscious state of our creation, we were gifted by yet another tool.

The learning eye. Eye being a metaphor for our all senses including gut feelings.

An individual is now not at the disposal of the surroundings to influence her. She is now able to filter out, from what she receives from the world, what she wishes to allow to influence her. She is no longer helpless in hands of the cosmic artist, the strokes of whom created her while she was in that unconscious state of creation.

The individual can now ask questions about, inquire about, ignore, get impressed by, be lured into, abstain from, get addicted to, and explore the experiences that she is receiving from the world around her.

When an individual observes the world around her, she is now, based on the foundation of her self created by the expert strokes of our cosmic artist, able to decipher these observations into different interpretations. Certain aspects of the world make a greater impact on her mind. Certain traits get fortified and certain are lost forever. An individual is able to observe certain stimuli with a greater extent of absorption and these stimuli result into a greater impact in herself than in someone else audience to the same situation.

That possibly is the reason why all the kids of a mother are never alike in all behavioral and aspects related to intellect and reasoning. Why all students in a class are not equally competent in all subjects. Why all are not equally sensitive to values and feelings of others.

Why Mother Teresa was hurt from the plight of the poor far more profoundly than anyone else? Weren't many people watching them earlier?
Why Mahatma was hurt by the discrimination of Indians abroad? Weren't many others facing the same for a century till then?
Why, while we were schooling, a difficult topic for others might, almost certainly, have been a piece of cake for us? I know it is true for many of us.

That is by the virtue of bent of mind that we acquired without even knowing of it. And as the time came by, we were able to utilize it to best of our wisdom gained till then.

I remember asking questions to my father about numerous things. Almost infinite. And being an experienced engineer, he knew the answers to all of them!
And I also remember listening to answers for hours.
I remember him asking me to hold the spanner in a certain way to avoid bruising the fingers if it slips.
I remember watching every smallest movement of his expert hands when he used to fix some nitty-gritty around the house.
And I remember imitating those small moves, slowly learning to use those small tips to perform exactly the way those trained hands would. Would hold a hand-held grinder so that the debris would fly away from my eyes. Would slow down a hack-saw so that the blade wont break at the end of the cut. Would hold a chisel so that it wont shatter when hit, and so on...

I remember observing drops of water falling through the leaves of a tree in the rain. And then, I remember asking myself how the tree keeps mostly dry around the base? The answer came from the eye only. Most of the leaves drop the water falling on them on a slightly outer leaf. Nature has arranged them so. Till the last drop falls from the lowest leaf on the tree, the drops have reached the periphery of a well grown tree. With some exceptions though!

Wondering the purpose of mentioning the above observations here?
It is to appreciate the learning eye that we are gifted with after we come out of the cocoonic phase of unconsciousness and start observing the world guided by our premature sense of observations crafted into us by the cosmic artist.

I wonder who provides us those small opportunities to learn and observe. May be its our cosmic artist still at work. But I do know that it is up to that learning eye that can now grasp and absorb what is being thrown at it from the outer world, but, now with an additional ability of discretion.

But the rules that govern this discretion have already been programmed into every individual when they didn't even knew it was happening, so that they are again, in a way, destined to be certain sorts of individuals.

Ironic?
Is it?

That's how Black Pearls are sometimes!