Showing posts with label Doubt. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Doubt. Show all posts

Monday, December 5, 2011

Calling God to the witness box - III

Disclaimer: The comments and views expressed here are the author's own and not aimed at hurting anyone's beliefs and feelings. If you are offended, author seeks apology and wishes to inform that these are author's personal thoughts and he is free to so express. Content here is not endorsed/sponsored by any institution or group.

To re-connect to the subject of this series of posts, please have a look at the previous two posts on the subject at:
Also recommended are some very thoughtful reader comments on the first post listed above.

We grow, physically and mentally. As we live on, our perceptions of people, beliefs, society, life and ourselves also evolve based on what we have been through and observed around us. This concept of evolving thought captivates me to lead me to believe that as if 'some one' is always working on us into making us what we are. A reflection of this can be seen here as well and has been mentioned here and there in this blog as well time and again. Be it how airplanes fly, or be it how luck and prayer works our perception of everything goes through this evolutionary process!

Switching to the context of this post after that prelude and citing from conclusion of Calling God to the witness box - II

"Since childhood onwards, like everyone else, my understanding of God has been changing based on my own experiences and observations. I hope someone will relate to those when I discuss the same later..."

As long as I remember, it was never my aim to follow my religion to-the-letter. Although it was an expectation from me that was stated with a certain subtlety every now and then both at home, school and while venturing about in the civil society. I still keep getting these lessons sometimes a bit strictly too. My upbringing and schooling in somewhat conservative environment also imbibed the basic tenets of my religion pretty deeply during those young years. Pretty early on, I was, without any doubt, able to comprehend that those tenets actually are a reflection of what a humane living should be. To be, support, defend and follow the 'true'. That was my childhood God. A true power that always supports the righteousness and the right. Becoming the 'right' became an underlying agenda. The definition of 'right' however was guided by what was expected from me. Those expectations being dictated by my own actions that brought be good words from people I cared for and respect. Parents, Grandparents, Teachers, and some neighbors. That agenda, I pursued as per my capability and patience.

Being right in all doings was so important that it became almost a continuous thought always reigning my mind. Trying to put my actions in a rationality guided by this theme as much as possible. Being right here does not mean to force my own opinions and expect unconditional acceptance thereof but being true to your inner self in all your actions and deeds. In that I thought, I will have support of the ultimate 'right' power and this rationale gave me courage to pursue that 'theme'.


That faith in the right stayed with me for a long time until some people close to me got hurt. There was no logical path that led to the incidents that my puny understanding of spirituality was able to comprehend. The silence of intellect underlined by a constant beep of doubt akin to the sound of silence that we hear when there is absolute no noise around us. I reasoned that the ultimate enables also befalls this pain when He could have saved us all of it. I could not agree with the hypothesis of 'God testing our faith' because I was told over and over that He knows all. All means all, including the strength of our resolve towards His will.

The reasoning offered by some that 'there is some hidden betterment for all in this' just did not work for me. These events brought in a law of pre-ordained-destiny as an explanation to the happenings. No matter how much right you do. Whatever is your destiny must befall you. Or honor you if it is so destined. No matter how much you pray, worship, wear symbols around your neck or apply sacred colors on your forehead (the pun is not intended).

Does that mean that there is no need to be right or true? That one will ultimately obtain what they deserve? Or instead of deserve, which makes it sound like we are the judges, lets say 'what is destined for them/us'? Those questions arose and remained unanswered by n number of religious speeches and books. It became a belief that destiny is a constant and it leads you to itself. Whenever I follow that school of belief, I am the happiest person. There are no regrets and no obligations towards any religious or spiritual duty. All the need for being a 'believer' in context of popular meaning of that term, is diminished beyond any significance or abolished altogether. The only belief is in doing the right with all your courage and capability and see the destiny slowly unfold in front of you. Amazing!

Does that means that we can turn into a villain without any moral obligations? Not really. There is no place where our deeds and actions are not going unaccountable for. We are constantly sending into the cosmos, a positive of negative energy by our actions and deeds. The pain inflicted on another being causes your 'cosmic vibes' to play against your tune. This energy dominates our inner self and shapes our future by acting as a driver of luck and chance opening up new doors to success or bringing upon failure and doom in otherwise.

The shine in your eyes and assertiveness in your statements comes from the positive or negative 'credits' you collected that way. The 'light (or darkness) within' shows and has its effect on the world outside. Good happens. Bad stays away (or the other way round). The creature gets his share of destiny. The believer credits it to God. The Atheist connects it to randomness of possibilities.

...and the thinker keeps wondering...!

[concluded]

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Where are you headed for Sardar jee??

Traveled home this weekend. Return was on Sunday evening and as usual, I reached Mohali around 10:30 PM. If you are lucky, you may get a few autos on the bus-stop but on some not so lucky days (lets be optimistic and avoid the word unlucky :-) ), you can be greeted by an empty stretch heading towards where your home is with couple of street dwellers to garnish the scene.

Worse still, and what I hate the most, you may be welcomed by an enthusiastic but opportunistic auto rickshaw driver seeking  the chance you just provided him. He is the only conveyance available and you are in no way constituent enough to walk some 8 KM to your home with that backpack on you. So, the kill is you and if he is able to make your situation seem miserable enough he may shell out four to ten times the normal fare!

The wise reader knows why I am building this pretext. So that is how it happened this time as well. A sudden surge of blood into my skull made me refuse to the only option offered to me to take me to my place that was made in a plain, indifferent and highly professional sounding tone.


What follows next is what made my day most interesting.


There was no point in staying at the same place that auto stood in order to become an object of misery and occasional verbal pokes to avail the offer being the only available option. Like a vulture waiting for the prey to succumb to hunger and thirst to feast upon, they keep an eye on you till you surrender.


I found it more dignified to move on from that point onwards. On foot! Generally I have experienced that you encounter some other auto one on the way to pick you up after walking a couple of kilometers. There are honest people working for bread out there as well you see.

So, walking I am, with traffic moving on but none for hire. Looking back for an oncoming auto, then walking for a few meters and then again looking back so that I don't miss one.

In this commotion going on inside as well as outside, I suddenly noticed a goods transporter auto rickshaw stop about 30 meters ahead of me. A man unmounted and stood there for a while. Then started walking towards me and dangled a bit to this and that side of himself as if drunk. At this time of the night you cannot be sure what is about to come. However my experiences with uncivilized part of the society have been rare.

That dangling figure was now only 10-15 steps away. A confrontation was inevitable. So what? I turned my antennas up to high level of alertness and walked on. As soon as he was in proximity of one hand's length to my personal space, he inquired, "Sardar jee kithay jaa rahe ho?" (Hi there, where are you headed to?)

That sounded normal and the words where put in a pretty friendly tone. It was in invitation for a free ride as the guy was headed in the same direction as mine. I again rethought about the offer, tried to smell any booze on him. There was none and I realized that that dangling gesture was his way of waiting for me. Funny isn't it?

Looked at his face, seemed like a God's humble creature so I trusted my instincts and hoped in the driver's cabin.

On the way, he started this conversation about why he stopped here for me. I was able to learn that when he was newly married, someone had provided similar services to him and his wife on the way to home while it was raining. And that he returns the favor to the society by helping out travelers whenever possible.

That was indeed dramatic. I don't know whether I would have been able to obtain a for-hire ride home or not. But I certainly brought something home that day.

A black pearl and a debt to return to the society!